ASS HAT-ORAMA

Those of you who regularly visit There Are A Million Stories will already know this story but as it is the most ASS HATTED thing that has happened lately I just had to repeat it for my What The Blog Ass Hat contribution. (click the picture above to find out what this is all about).

Mick had a Burtons card; he didn't owe any money on it but as a matter of courtesy and to save me receiving any mail for Mick from them in the future I thought I'd ring them and tell them that Mick had passed away. After 3 minutes of button pushing and 5 minutes of ear deafening music (with the odd voice interjection informing me they were busy) I finally got to speak to what I thought was a human being. It was obvious that the speaker was American by his accent (the following no way reflects on ALL Americans...we have plenty of morons like this in the UK).....I explained the situation, gave account details, explained that although Mick owed no money I was informing them for security's sake etc etc.............................I was informed that it was not in order for me to phone them ...only Mr Jenner could phone them.....thinking he had misheard my information I repeated my explanation that Mr Jenner had passed away on 6th April...still no joy....he had to speak to Mr Jenner........I then tried changing my wording..may be to an American the words "passed away" don't convey death.........I (still trying to remain calm) informed him that Mr Jenner was dead.........still no joy........I then got to shouting mode!!!!.....I shouted at the top of my voice "MR JENNER IS DEAD!".....no joy...he told me he had to speak to Mr Jenner as I had no authorisation to speak on his behalf.........I then screamed at the top of my voice "MR JENNER IS DEAD...D-E-A-D....AS IN DECEASED...D-E-C-E-A-S-E-D!!!" Still this moronic tw*t of a person insisted on speaking to Mr Jenner. I made a suggestion....would he like to take my phone number...give it to his credit control department...and maybe ask them to PHONE MR JENNER ABOUT HIS ACCOUNT......this seemed to pacify him...he took my number and said someone will phone Mr Jenner in the next few days. To date I have heard no more from them.

I can smile about this episode now but I the time I was

"ASS HATS AT WORK"

My "Ass Hats At Work" story is one related to me some years ago by my husband. Names have been changed to protect the guilty!!!
Mick used to be a painter and decorator. One Summer he was working with a gang of painters on a very posh, almost stately home. The house was situated in a few acres of ground and the gardens were spectacular....Mick being an avid gardener loved walking the grounds in his lunch break and admiring all the plants.
On one particular day Mick was painting a lower window he had to be very careful as there was a flower border going right up to the wall. He very gently laid a dust sheet over the plants and carefully stood so that his feet weren't damaging any of them. One of his workmates, Dave, was painting an upper window a few metres down from Mick. As Mick glanced over he realised that Dave hadn't covered the plants beneath the ladder and as Dave was a somewhat "messy" painter the paint was dripping off of his plants on to the Escallonia below!!! Mick shouted up to Dave to warn him and Dave shouted back "Don't worry I'll clear it up later!" Mick shouted back "You'd better!!!!!"....I think there was a "F" word in there in the original story!!!
Mick had to move round to the back of the house for the rest of the day but before he came home he went to check on the Escallonia....from a distance all looked well....Mick was pleased...until he got closer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dave had PAINTED each individual yellow paint splashed leaf with GREEN PAINT!!!!!!! Mick was LIVID!!! and gave Dave a few choice words and suggested in future it might be better to lay a dust sheet over the plants.

I don't know if the Escallonia survived its paint job and I don't know if the owners of the house noticed what had happened. But if you own a large house in Suffolk England and your Escallonia mysteriously died...you know who to blame:

DAVE THE ASS HAT

If you would like to take part in the ASS HAT AWARDS just click on the ASS at the top of this post.

ASS HAT AWARDS meets RED NOSE DAY

As it's Red Nose Day here in the UK....some photos of people looking a bit of an ass for a very good cause.

Our daughter Manda

The Right Reverend Richard Lewis, Bishop of St Edmundsbury and Ipswich, gets in to the Red Nose Day spirit whilst visiting BBC Radio Suffolk presenter Lesley Dolphin.
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WHAT THE BLOG - ASS HAT AWARDS

have a "Ass Hat Award" meme going every other Friday. I thought I'd join in with this bit of fun though I can't think of an Ass Hat experience that has happened this week. Therefore this is somewhat retrospect and goes back to the first holiday Mick & I ever had together. We had gone on a tour of Wales and Cornwall; staying in B&Bs along the way. We figured if we could live 24 hours a day out of a suitcase for 2 weeks without any arguments then we were destined to be together forever. My Ass Hat moment came on the last night of the holiday. We'd gone to a rather posh (for us) restaurant for dinner. We have a great meal and for dessert....being a lifelong cheese-aholic....I decided to have Cheese and Biscuits for dessert. The waitress duly brought me this plate full of different cheeses...I think there were 7 or 8 different kinds..... and a pretty little basket with various sorts of crackers in. I was pleased as often cheese & biscuits turns out to be a mouldy piece of cheddar and a few Jacobs. Mick & I chatted away....he tucked into treacle sponge and custard and I crunched away at my cheese & biscuits...leaving just a morsel of Smoked Goat's Cheese and a couple of crackers.. After clearing our plates we were just about to call for the bill when the waitress came up; looked at my plate and said "Have you finished with the CHEESE BOARD!". That lovely plate of cheeses was the WHOLE CHEESE BOARD and I'd eaten THE LOT!!!! My face was so red....but I wasn't to know was I? I just thought they served VERY generous portions!
So that folks is my Ass Hat moment..............

could I be nominating you in a fortnight's time!!!!